Have had some subtle suggestions that I haven't updated very recently, so here's a little offering from the other side of the world.

 

Since the carnage of the Halloween party not much happened until Fraser arrived. He tried to spring a surprise on us and turn up on our doorstep, but didn't want to turn up, having seen when we had 4days off on our rota, and find that we'd gone off to some odd part of the continent to suss out wine bars or surf spots. So he got here just as we went off to a night shift, which tied in quite nicely with the remnants of his jetlag, as he could work all night, sorting out trouble with his business he left behind, and sleeping all day when Lou and I also slept.

 

We soon shook that routine off and got him a surfboard from the hire shop. The next day we got him a board that was less like a barge and more like a surfboard. I promptly stole it off him and stood up properly for the first time. At bloody last I hear you scream, but sadly no photographic evidence. So I went back to the hire shop and bought the board off them. Still use it every day - its become 'ole faithful'. Unfortunately the surf has been quite poor in the last two weeks, so no progress was made until just this week. Both Lou and I took big steps up in fact. Lou has progressed from standing up and looking good in broken waves to catching unbroken waves and looking good while putting in a turn or two. Obviously its just as important to look good while standing up as it is to actually get up in the first place, as opposed to looking like a chicken laying eggs. I have progressed from catching broken waves and looking like a chicken laying eggs to actually catching unbroken eggs and looking like a chicken laying waves. Or something like that.

 

Fraser came over here at the same time that his family came over to host a series of conferences around Australia, and they conveniently found themselves spending 7days in Byron Bay. We went up for a few days to join them all. They were inevitably living a meagre lifestyle. All three nights we ate with them, vast amounts of Oysters were consumed. Fraser's dad is the sort of man who looks at wine lists and then asks what else they have. And then asks for 6 bottles of that to be opened please. He's the sort of man who makes a maitre'd knock together a table out of his son's cot and daughter's doll house if there's enough space in the room. Unsurprisingly, there are a lot of hanger-oners around him who enjoy his company for all the spiritual enlightenment he gives during his conferences. Oh, and the fact he pays for lunch and dinner and champagne and cocktails for as many people as turn up, every single day without a single worry in the world. We became two such people for two days. It was nice.

 

Stayed in a beautiful guest house in Byron - the sort that you promise will be the only place you'll ever stay at when you go back to visit. Except that we've already booked into another place when we o back to Byron next week with Lou's family. Also went to a great beach called Tallows at Byron that had some incredible birds on it. See photos. Also happened to allow topless sunbathing, which isn't really relevant I'm sure.

 

Fraser went off north en famille for a while and then found themselves in Sydney (with a brief stopover in Coffs, where we drank champagne and everyone else ate oysters. And we had truffles. And it was a cheap night i seem to remember. Lots of bloody hanger-oners though). Fraser played and won in the casino and bought himself a car. Then drove back here yesterday where he bought baked beans and cooked an essential fried breakfast. Then buggered off back to Byron to see a woman that he'd met the last time he was there. No surprise there then. Except she has two kids. Oh how we'll look back and laugh in weeks to come.

 

In the meantime, Xmas has crept up on us rapidly. I wondered how Christmas spirit would infuse itself into this culture and now i realise that it doesn't really. A few houses have fake snow in the window, which obviously looks ridiculous and there are a few twinkling lights around. Over 400 of them are in our living room. Crazy Clarke's Discount Store is truly crazy. Going to decorate the tree tomorrow. Needless to say, trees don't live very long here. We are both genuinely missing an English christmas and really reminisce about the cold winter and frosty walks etc. Briefly. Then we decide to go surfing to cheer ourselves up. Dont feel too sorry for us. Really, we're okay out here.

 

Pub quiz has been going really very badly since Scott left. Have not even got third in the last month. The quizmaster is worried about us and expresses concern that his favourite bunch of foreigners are suffering so. Doesn't stop him putting pictures of obscure Ozzy 60s country singers up and asking what colour his son's eyes are or what his dog's favourite food is. Honestly, you have to be 60, and a redneck to even understand 50percent of the recent questions. We've got BJ's mum here for the next two weeks, so maybe we'll do better. Ahem.

 

Next update probably wont be until after xmas, so i hope you all have a great time, raise a glass of mulled wine for me and I'll throw another shrimp on the barbie for you all. And then crack open another cold beer in my shorts, tuck the board under my arm and head off to the sand. They say that more people commit suicide over xmas time if they dont have family around them. Trust me, we'll be fine this year.

Now, most of you probably think that Lou and I are here to sunbathe and earn vast sums of money for not much work done. But that’s not the long term plan. Oh no. I'm pretty sure I can convince any surgical consultant back home that 6months of what might be loosely described as 'pissing around', is acceptable. A year or possibly two might be pushing it. So with some help (a name and a greasy email) from my old boss Mr Davenport, I contacted Professor of Surgery at Royal Children's Hospital Melbourne - allegedly the finest kid’s hospital in the world along with Toronto Sick Kids and Great Ormond Street. He was happy to see me, so I made an appointment with his secretary and booked some flights.

We finished a night shift at 8.30am on a Monday morning, had two hours of kip and headed off to Melbourne on the lunchtime flight. It didn't start well when the flight attendant told us that new licensing laws in New South Wales meant they couldn't serve me a beer. Apparently, this also meant that I couldn't borrow their bottle opener to open the Crown Lager that BJ handed to me as he dropped me off at the airport. (I couldn't open the second, third and fourth bottle that he'd handed me either.)

A quick stopover at Sydney and the next flight to Melbourne was a short one. Melbourne was described to us as the city in Oz that’s most like an English one, and they weren't wrong. I think most people base that on the fact that it’s a bit colder there than elsewhere and there is occasionally clouds overhead. But it looks like London or any other English city (the modern bit that is...). It has shit traffic, pollution, waterfront bars, a Chinatown, little alleys full of cute restaurants, universities, students and vomit. It also has trams. Loads of them. Driving and walking were hazardous - reminded me of Naples - you might be better to go on the red light as long as there's nothing coming. You also discover there are a lot of blind spots, even in a convertible with the roof off.

The first day we were there I went to see the Professor of Surgery who was in a particularly good mood - he had just been elected Director of the Surgical Department in the meeting he left to see me. He was just what you'd like your child's paediatrician to look like - fifty-ish, beard, big grin, giant pink bowtie. Could probably name all four teletubbies if you pressed him. I believe that he would be able persuade most parents that George Martin was the fifth teletubby too.

So while I met him, Lou went off to the Human Resources Dept to ask them about vacancies in the Paediatric dept for next year. She got told to bugger off as there was no chance of a job. I was more fortunate - Prof told me that he'd have little trouble fitting me into the rota. It works a bit differently here- the surgeons they have working for them are in fact Paediatricians simply rotating through a bit of surgery. Generally they're not interested and often try and swap out of the surgery part, so it would be great to have someone actually wanting to do surgery! I left the hospital happy that I’d be in Melbourne in April. Sadly, when we got home I got a mail from him saying essentially what the HR people had told Louisa.

That night we found the finest bar in the world - MOO bar. It’s a basement bar with a wine cellar to rival any London establishment, huge red leather sofas and stunning chocolate pave and cheeseboards. We even had to try some beautiful red wine - we knew Fraser would be proud, so we phoned him. Twice I think. Then it was on to the Hairy Canary, Lucy's favourite bar apparently, where they handed us an extensive cocktail list. Our eyes were immediately drawn to the 'Sour Faced Mandy' and the 'M3'. Cant for the life of me remember what was in them or what they tasted like, but it was off to bed after that. Seem to recall it rained on the way home. Just like home.....

We got our little Audi TT delivered the next morning and set off - at not great a speed - to the countryside. We drove a great big circle through stunning rolling hills and valleys that could have been anywhere in Sussex or Kent, with the roof down, sun shining bright, with an regular stops at wineries to refresh and pick at cheese. We thought Yering Station was plush and so we bought a couple of bottles to take back with us on the plane - one of which we'd had at MOO bar the previous night. Then we went to the Domaine Chandon. Which was a bit plusher. So we spent $305 on wine. Which, I hope, is currently being shipped up to us in Sawtell. It was staffed by a terribly nice Englishman from Woking, who loved living in Frimley for a short while and loved London and loved Melbourne and obviously we'd like to try the Shiraz as well wouldn't we.....they also made a sparkling red wine which was just like fizzy ribena - we bought two bottles for Fraser to turn his nose up at, and then taste, and then realise that its actually quite drinkable. Our man at the winery said that nobody in civilised countries should open Christmas presents without a glass of it in his hands. I think he may be right.

Still waiting for the wine mind you.

 

The trouble with having a country where 95% of the population lives on the coast is that wherever you go, you're near the beach. Its an even bigger problem when you're learning to surf. Now, we've got some good friends since we moved out here - BJ is a Kiwi doctor (Lou's level) over here to earn money to pay for his marriage and, more importantly, his six month honeymoon. He's marrying Sarah, Louisa's new best friend! Getting them together in the presence of grape juice has become hazardous. Many evenings, we just 'pop round for dinner', and end up in the spare room. BJ and Sarah have a dirt cheap off licence over the road from them, and we have lots of wine in the garage - when Alicia and Logan moved out, they didn't want to take it, so left it to us, along with the barbecue, oven and two bikes. We were doing them a favour, really. Our other good buddy is Scott, another kiwi, ED registrar. He's here to pay for his marriage and, more importantly, his honeymoon. He's marrying Jen. Who he left back in New Zealand.

So, back to the problem with all the beaches....it's the choice you see. Scott is an awesome surfer so says things like - "Oh, we'd better go to Digger's, because there's a southerly swell with a strong off-shore, so we'd be safe from the left-to-right behind the headland". I look blank and follow him to Digger's. All the beaches face in slightly different directions, so for every wind direction, swell direction and strength, there's a specific beach that would be suitable. Trouble is, English people dont get born with this knowledge. Kiwis assume we know what its all about.

One spot in particular suits Lou and I for another reason - Its got a fine restaurant that looks over the beach - It's called Saltwater at a town called Emerald Beach (just down from Sapphire Beach, which is just down from Sandy Beach, which is just down from bloody nice beach, next to really long perfect beach...). Saltwater does really good breakfasts, so any visitors will have the pleasure.

It was BJ's birthday a couple of weeks ago, so Sarah decided he deserved a treat. Being the oversized child that he is, her idea of a treat was to take him to the theme parks that are all located in the Gold Coast region - a collection of beachside towns that have merged into one big long metropolis. Central of all these towns is Surfer's Paradise - does exactly what i says on the tin.

The first night we arrived we went to Dracula's - a cabaret type restaurant. You arrive at 6.30 sharp, have a drink in the bar - all vampire themed cocktails, and then get on the ghost train through to the auditorium / restaurant. A scantily clad waitress throws drinks at you all night while you watch a bunch of amateur actors sing and dance in increasingly seedy and crude manners, until they have an awesome finale, by which time everyone's too tipsy to care about the bad gags. A brilliant night - quite rightly listed in the guide books as one of the top five things backpackers have to do when they land in Australia!

The next day we went to Wet n Wild - a theme park working on the principle that there are lots of different ways of getting you from a great height, to the floor, in bikini / swim shorts. It was amazing, and kept us busy all day long. There were lots of competitions that confirmed that the bigger they are, the faster they fall (BJ weighs 110kg - he didn't buy the beers).

That evening was a lovely thai restaurant in the hotel next door to us and a relatively early night. Still managed to watch the Liverpool-Bolton match over everyone's shoulder while sitting in the bar drinking. Would have kept it quiet if we hadn't been beaten badly.

Next day we went to Dreamworld - a very cool and large theme park two km down the world from Wet n Wild - they are in the process of building their own 'Waterworld' with, curiously, identical slides to the competition - it'll be open in December. BJ is afraid of heights, so it was a good feeling to besitting next to him while dangling our feet under us, 39 storeys up, waiting for the drop at 100km/h. See the photo.

Inevitably, we were the last ones in the park and got final ride on our favourite rollercoaster before driving the four hours back to Coffs.

As you know, Coffs has the Big Banana - we're told that Oz is full of similarly sized items - the only other one we found so far is the Big Shrimp, in Grafton, just north of Coffs. Rest assured, we'll be photographing every Big thing we see and posting them. 

 

Well, we've had a few comments about not writing anything for a while, but to be honest we haven't really done anything exciting recently. Since Byron, we've managed one surf session, a late evening swim and a few nights out with the locals who are proving to be quite civilised against all our expectations.

The accommodation in the hospital is about 10 rooms around a central garden. at two opposite corners of the square are common rooms with basic kitchen stuff and huge TVs. One of the rooms has a computer in it. Our laptop is out of action, no working memory (sounds like a few patients round here), so we have to use the hospital one instead.

Our room is just like a motel room with two single beds in. The bathroom is lovely but the kitchen is basic so we always cook in the common room. There are a few doctors living in the accommodation with us - a few from emergency department, a junior surgeon and a couple of pharmacists. Not one of them is Australian. One couple, Ben (ED doc) and his fiance Sarah ('between jobs') have just got here from NZ. They're saving money for their wedding but more importantly, their honeymoon - six months in a camper van round Europe - the Australasian's dream! They're both good fun, and entirely responsible for a very large hangover earlier this week. We stayed in for a few drinks instead of going out and it proved to be a long evening of cards. I believe on the way to the end of the evening there was butterscotch schnapps, vodka, whiskey, Baileys, brandy creme, white wine but i cant recall the order. One drinking rule (made up by louisa!) was that no drink could be the same as the previous, so it all got messy. By 2am Louisa and her new best friend Sarah were shaking trees to see if there were any Koalas that wanted to say hello, and then they were doing merry jigs on a tree stump to imaginary music. I was obviously very well behaved and simply pointed the video camera at them to remind them of their frolics!

We also went out earlier in the week to the local pub quiz. Amazingly, we came third out of about ten teams and won 40dollars and a six pack of beer for winning the bonus round. The 40 dollars went straight on ten shots of sambuca and a pack of matches. Say no more. Needless to say, we'll be going back to the quiz tomorrow.

Its been cold here this week - about 22degrees in fact. I had to wear a jacket when i came to work at 10pm last night but i should have been wearing a tent. When it rains here, it does so enthusiatically. Its been raining for two days now and doesn't look like stopping tomorrow. The surf report gleefully announced 8ft waves for today but i don't think anyone will have been out there frankly. We dont go out if its more than 3-4ft max - it sounds small but when you surf like me you spend a bit too much time under water. 'Surfy' attitude is derided here by those who dont surf - they're all unemployed and speak stupidly apparently. Out on the water everyone's equal man.....I mean, when we go surfing everyone's very friendly and there are unspoken rules that earn a glare when broken, but everyone tends to steer clear of the learners - I'm usually pretty lonely out there.

So its only 10 days or so till we move into our house. We're both very excited. Its a lovely big house that you can see in the photo. You can see it on Google Earth at

Consider a cool ski resort, take out the pretentious tossers, make it sunny and 28degrees in winter, give it miles and miles of beaches and thats Byron Bay.

The place has become popular over the last 30years or so with the backpacker crowd and now everyone goes there. There are hundreds of bars - open air bars, beachside bars, cocktail bars, sports bars, even bars that show the liverpool match at the weekend....

There are restaurants of every genre and shops to suit all tastes - as long as its cool.

We stayed in a 'holiday village' that gave us a mini apartment with ensuite for 30pounds a night. The bed had a dip in the middle and there were noisy, dirty travellers around, but having spent so little on accommodation, we proceeded to drink so much that Hurricane Katrina's older sister could have swanned in and we wouldn't have noticed.

We started in such sophisticated style - cocktails on a first storey terrace overlooking the town centre, with tapas. We ended up in the sweatiest backpacker bar in the world - the sort of place where girls in miniskirts forget that they're dancing on tables and 'ten shots of sambuca' is a standard order. No matter where you are in the world, a horrendously drunk irishman will still try and pick up your wife - he was, in fact, a very pleasant pharmacist who'd trained in Brighton so had plenty of chit chat for us.

Much more importantly, Lou got her wedding present - the board. She loved it when she first saw it, and having surfed it twice, she still loves it. I also succumbed and bought a board - a much longer, more plain epoxy resin board (as opposed to fibre glass - harder to dent and floats better - good for an idiot like me). I played on it only once and it seemed to float, so we'll get along fine. She's called Rosie for no good reason. When i emulate Kelly Slater, i'll upgrade Rosie for a newer model (try it with board first, then i'll see about Lou....).

I suppose we're getting used to life in a new country, slowly. Even though they're all English really (they all claim to be english here, not born and bred Aussies) and the language is fairly similar, there are certain things you need to get used to. For example - if its too cold in the car, you open the window, or flip-flops are called thongs and they're only for wearing if its a smart day - bare feet will do just fine for all occasions except (most) job interviews and (probably) funerals.

Well, now we're back in Coffs, working for two days and having two off, then working three days and getting three off. Not sure if our next adventure will be quite so exciting, but we'll keep you posted on our dull little lives.

I really hate Australia. Dont come out here, any of you.....

(Dooner - australian for duvet, perhaps something was lost in translation on the ship over...)

 

In my mind, Coffs has gone from being a slightly ugly indusrtrial town to a quaint seaside town with a busy bit unfortunately attached. Its not quite been designed properly, with the town centre 1.5km inland, with all the surf shops and banks and pubs away from the bit where you think everybody would like to live. Everyone answers my question as to why there are no buildings next to the beach here, in the same way - its to preserve the natural beauty of the area. But why did they decide to mark off this area of outstanding natural protected beauty with a dirty great train line? The only thing closer to the beach than any shops, cafes or apartments is the freight train line and a swathe of patchy grass.

 

Pubs are nothing like i expected here - i thought the famous ozzie drinkning culture would spawn lots of nice bars supplying a good drinkning environment. But no, they are school canteens with beer taps. Pubs have long plastic tables, posters stuck up on walls and you wouldn't spend more than one fight in any one of them.

 

Finding a place to live has been a nightmare so far. There are hundreds of properties sitting empty, but they're all reserved for the 4weeks in the summer when australia, by all accounts, descends on Coffs. In summer, a 3bed apartment rents for 2500dollars a week. The same apartment rents for 380dollars a week, fully furnished when on permanent rental. So the management team of said apartment block (the only places within walking distance to the beach, near the nice cafes) are completely f****ng useless, promising that they'll find us a place and delivering nothing. Every day its "number 47 is moving out, number 22 is moving out, its yours. And then they're not moving out, or its their brother who holds the rent contract and still wants it. Even though he hasn't paid the rent for 2-3 weeks. It seems squatter's rights a big business here!

 

Anyway, so on day 1 in Coffs, we met a doctor who said we should move into his house, because he'll be going in 2weeks. Well, we looked at the little seaside town and wrote it off as too small and too quiet, the spent 10days running around sweating and getting upset. Well guess where we're going to live now.....(see piccies) Our opinion has been revised - the quiet seaside town is now exactly what we want. The fact that the house is enormous, only 20yards from the waters edge, with lovely ocean views is merely coincidental. Its also expensive, but we think its worth it. Plus, there's plenty of room for anyone who comes to stay (especially if they have two children who share bunk beds!)

 

The A&E department is a little quiet. We went in for the dreaded saturday night shift - between 5.30pm and midnight only 1 person checked in. There were four docs on duty. Lou and I did a night together last night (how sweet) - we saw about 15 people in ten hours. Everyone is friendly and will wait all night just to make sure their blocked up nose isn't SARS. On the other hand, there's the patient who chopped off two fingers with a chainsaw and jumped in his car to drive 45 minutes to the hospital, pouring blood. He had to stop a couple of times, because oddly enough, he felt 'a bit woozy'!

 

You may notice a theme from the photos - the beach is the main reason we came to australia - we've had our first surf. We brought wetsuits with us - unnecessary. The water is lovely and warm and the middle of winter sees daytime at about 27degrees. Going to buy a BIC surfboard (yes, BIC as in the razors) - 7foot 3inches probably. We'll get Lou's board at the weekend from Byron - its a long awaited wedding present, so pictures will be up when we get it.

 

No worries cobber.....

Landed in Sydney first thing in the morning on the wednesday. Painless customs and immigration setup. Bought mobile phones in the airport which are cheaper for us to ring UK numbers than it is to use mobiles in the UK itself!

Went to a hostel called the pink house and stayed there two days.

Dinner (in the middle of winter) outside on the quay, with a view over the harbour bridge and opera house -could have been a worse first meal.

Looked for a car on the first day without luck, found one on the thursday and took a ferry to Manly for dinner.

The car - a huge 4litre Ford Fairmont, blue, all the gadgets (very few of which work properly), left for Coffs Friday morning.

Stayed overnight at Port Macquarie - very pretty town with 5 beaches.

Got to coffs saturday lunch time

Coffs is a weird town - lovely long beaches, but none of the town is next to them. The main town is a mile or so inland but there's a small strip of restaurants and houses about 200metres inland, with a trainline between beach and everything else.

The hospital is a mile or so south of the main town area and a mile or so inland, next to the airport.

We've found a lovely apartment - the closest building to the beach in Coffs - 3bedrooms, two terraces, view of the ocean and marina (and trainline!). $380 per week - thats about 150pounds a week - way cheaper than UK especially considering our salary is the same here.

The people are just as you expect - everyone friendly, trusting, respectful. Patients are kind, grateful and uncomplaining. The A&E department is a 'busy' one - sees 35000 people a year - compare that with 150000 at Mayday and 90000 at West Mid a year! The only worry is that A&E docs look after the whole hospital at night and there are no seniors on site to give any help at all.

Bought bikes - just as well because the car broke down -needs a new radiator, and we'll get the aircon fixed while its there. and the electric windows. might even get him to look at the cruise control that doesn't work either. the engine works though. so does the fuel cap release button. but thats about it.

Join us next week for the next exciting installment....(see photos)

Finished our last day at work. R&M came and helped move the last stuff out of our flat and then we've driven off to exeter for some final goodbyes with lou's family. drove down, roof off, bike strapped to the back, in the sunshine. didn't get done for speeding this time, i hope.

messed around with computers for a while, as is the fashion in topsham road and lou went to see a pony, as is the fashion if you're  girl. i drank beer. as is the fashion.